| god i'm sorry, i'm just being crazy. i'm sorry. i'm just being crazy, i know. |
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taken at my grandparents' church. they had 34 inches of snow.
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"There are many of us for whom music is an irreplaceable part of life...We rely on it to take us out of sadness, pressures of poverty, youth, age, etc... Mixed with alcohol it seems to be a remedy for just about anything...Be it a rapid fire of notes exploding catharsis all over the major key or an obsessive marathon of soul-searching sounds crawling around minor...it all appears somehow more solid and present in our lives than materials...something we can always address and hold onto...At it's best music connects us to a feeling as large as the whole goddamn universe itself...
Of course, sometimes when sober, we can say, "Well, after all, it's just music..." Yet everywhere you'll go, in every culture, you'll see its major royal presence...Some say with a straight up claim that music is the essence of life. I will join in with them...Others see it as an enhancing, luxurious, amusement-like activity. Sure, I'm down with that too, but one way or another, both positions advocate its primal positive powers...
Often you'll hear people talking about a concert they experienced for years! Why? In Gypsy mythology they say it is memorable because the devil visited that room, others say the other guy was there... But one way or another they all link it to the supernatural.
Considering its power, it is not impossible to think of music making as a sacred art discipline...and, for example, in anthropological tribal studies the medicine man's functions are not really differentiated from the musician's...But let's not get too anthropological on your ass...These are just elementary streamline reminders of music's rocking good and what it could do."
I haven't been to a show in what seems like ages. I guess I've been a little jaded about this whole music thing lately. Leave it to good ol' Hutz to refocus my energy.
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uhmmm, so...i have tonsilitis and bronchitis...and maybe pneumonia if i don't start getting better. i'm on tons of drugs & basically the only reason i can breathe easy enough to sleep is because i'm on steroids and i hatehatehate my body right now. i've had a fever for 6 days straight. i can't go back to school for at least another 48 hours. i'm so behind & i just don't have the strength or peace of mind to work on anything. kill me, pleaseee.
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| brownbrownbrown! |
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I feel as though I should write up a Brown entry, but there's too much to say. It was a fantastic experience learning wise and I absolutely fell in love with the school. Anddd, I could go on for days about the awesome group of people I met. It was really nice to just fall into place with a tight knit group so easily. We never really did much...but we had fun doing it. And it made leaving them really, really hard. So, before I start rambling, here are my millions of pictures.
( every time we touch )
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| dig deep. |
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This past weekend was spectacular: met some great kids, observed some great techno dance, went to Boston, bought a sword and walked around looking like a pirate in the pouring rain, realized that I suck at super smash brothers, wrote a paper about Throwdown, found out that an all day communal nap is the best way to spend a Sunday, ice cream eating contest went down, sang Good Charlotte, laughed sosososo hard for literally half an hour, etc, etc!
Oh & there have been two armed robberies of summer students this week. One at night and one during the day. ( It's really comforting. )
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( in deo speramus )
Things are good here at Brown. I really love my class. Providence is great, its pretty much the perfect city for me: it's smaller & navigable, it has colonial, old New England charm, but has a great artsy/bohemian/pretty much every crazy subculture you could think of feel to it. I really, really, really miss everyone though & Fairfield itself. I've met some super interesting people & a lot that are just...not so much. And apparently there are two girls here from Fairfield, but I have no idea who they are. And since I've been here I only want to listen to hardcore. I'm not really sure why.
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I have so many pictures to post, it's ridiculous.
I have so much cleaning to do.
I have so much shopping to do.
I have so much packing to do.
I have so much laundry to do.
I have so much reading to do.
I have so much sleep to make up.
I have to work sososo many hours.
I have to get my hair done.
I have to get a physical.
I have to get my senior photo done.
I leave for Brown in 12 days.
All I want to do is curl up on the couch with a bowl of popcorn & watch Anchorman!
In other news, I had a fantastic birthday & Twilight Army tour was wonderful.
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| you shouldn't let other people get your kicks for you. |
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Okay, so, best weekend ever? I think so.
Princess on the steeple and all the pretty people
They're all drinkin', thinkin' that they got it made
Exchanging all precious gifts
But you'd better take your diamond ring, you'd better pawn it babe
You used to be so amused
At Napoleon in rags and the language that he used
Go to him now, he calls you, you can't refuse
When you got nothing, you got nothing to lose
You're invisible now, you got no secrets to conceal.
How does it feel
How does it feel
To be on your own
With no direction home
Like a complete unknown
( Like a rolling stone? )
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| pain & its relief |
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"Can’t hold on to the thrill
So I hope you find your will to follow through
What we’ve invented, I am now ending
Hold on to who you love
We have tried, and blown like dust since we were young
The mornings over, the day is in full swing."
Classes have officially ended. I don't have any finals tomorrow! I have officially already cried over the end of AmStud, but only a little bit. "Get ready to grow some flowers, folks. Your loves do not deserve a bouquet of weeds." I am officially not ready for my chem or math finals. And I am officially sososo excited for O'Rourke's on Saturday & post-O'Rourkesing it up at my house. Not to mention Cute on Wednesday and finally getting to meet Laurennn! It doesn't feel like summer yet, but I'm so ready for it!
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I am so sick right now & I can't even sleep. I'm feverish & delirious & it's really frustrating. I feel like I'm missing everything, and getting behind in everything. I have so much work to do but I just physically can't do it. And I've been really sad about missing American Studies. I went to bed at 6:30 last night just in hopes of going to school at least for Am Stud, because I knew we were having a discussion, but I just couldn'ttt. And it's not happening tomorrow either. I want to be able to savor the last few days of this class, but my body won't let meeeeee. It is sososo frustrating. Except how hilarious would it be if I read Billy Budd in my absence? This entire entry is pretty muchhhh dedicated to Charlotte because she's the only one who will get my feverish Am Stud LJ post. Uggggh.
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Well, I suppose I should do a San Fran update! Um, well...the whole trip was just sosososo amazing and good for me. It was exactly what I needed right when I needed it. I was on top of a mountain, on the beach, inside of a redwood tree, inside a prison cell, pretty much living in Amoeba Music, at an earthquake party, watching way more Gilmore Girls and SVU than is probably healthy, dancing with motherfucking Blake Sennett and feeling great about life 24/7. I love to travel by myself because it forces me to act as my pure self and nothing else. I don't have to worry about the preconceived notions of people I know, and I don't have anything to rely or lean on. It's just me and the world, take it or leave it.
( observe! )
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| my soul is soundddd. |
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mood |
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 ecstatic |
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music |
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say anything. all this fashion |
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Dear Katherine,
We are happy to inform you of your acceptance to Brown University's 2006 Pre-College Summer Program! We believe you will find the opportunities available to you at Brown exciting and advantageous to your academic and personal development.
That was exactly what I needed to hear. This summer is going to be amazing.
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| the wonders of am stud! |
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mood |
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crunch-time! |
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music |
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the snake the cross the crown. |
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The DuBois vs. Washington debate prep chaos that is going on tonight could easily result in an all-nighter. Screw studying for French, screw the CAPT lab, screw studying for this World War I quiz. DuBois may have the better strategy for educating newly freed blacks, but Team DuBois has a pretty sucky strategy for delegating the work load for this debate. Why am I wasting time writing this? I'm not getting into college!!
Um, at least it's vacation after this damn debate? And at least all the snow is melting!
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| i believe in ghosts but not in god. |
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music |
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john ralston. |
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I think it's all going over my head. Summer in Providence, object of my affection, the feeling of everything being overly sensational, and at the same time, the feeling of being outrageously lonely. I think really big, but I live really small. And what the fuck does luck have to do with anything? Luck doesn't exist. And why am I doing homework at 1:33 AM on a Sunday morning? Because that's who I am. I can tell people whatever I want, but I'm not a slacker.
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nightmare of you! |
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So, somehow I managed to get through almost 17 years of my life without ever getting strep throat. That is, until yesterday. And oh my goddd, I didn't know it was this painful. I also really love that my parents decide to discuss the fact that, even though I have amazing grades, I'm a complete failure, today y'know when I'm pretty much dying. Just because I don't look good on paper, just because I don't participate in things just because they look good on transcripts doesn't mean that I am not fulfilled as a fucking human being. I'm sorry I spend my time doing things I love, really, I am.
In other news, we're the bomb:
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some_phantoms's journal
